Support through grief

Do you enjoy singing along to music? I do, especially to songs I know and love. And which line do you sing? The tune? Do you pick out the really high voice? Do you go for the middle harmonies? Or do you follow the bottom line?

I’ve always been a harmony girl, sitting in the middle, picking out the scrunchy chords which weave in and out and make the tune more interesting. Until recently, when I’ve noticed I’m being increasingly drawn to the lowest voice. Now isn’t that interesting, I wonder why that is…..?

In the Republic of Georgia - which I visited last summer, and whose folk songs we sing in the Oxford Kalta choir – the traditional songs are in 3 parts but the singers aren’t equally divided: all except 2 people sing the lowest part, so there’s only one person singing the tune, and one person singing the high part over the top. By dividing the ensemble in this way the lowest part provides a strong support for everyone who's singing. In my choir we’ve even thought about how the lowest part can support itself - by putting their hand on each other's shoulders so they can literally feel the vibrations of each other singing.

When I’m feeling really well, getting lots done and holding my own in negotiations, discussions etc then I’d describe myself as feeling solid, grounded, well rooted. Lots of ‘earthy’ words and feeling like my whole being is well supported and attached to the earth. On the other hand when I’m feeling a bit off kilter, not concentrating too well, being indecisive then I’d describe myself as feeling a bit spacey, a bit flighty, giddy, not well grounded. Lots of ‘airy’ words, as if my whole being wants to join the birds above rather than the cats and dogs round our feet. I know from talking to many clients over the years that these feelings are very common, it’s not just me who has these good and bad days. Are you noticing the theme of feeling supported when things are low, either in pitch or near the ground?

Having recently lost my Mum it’s felt at times as if the rug has been pulled out from under my feet, my very foundations have been shaken; I’ve been finding there’s a greater tendency for me to feel a bit unfocused and up in the air and I’m having to work extra hard to be well grounded. Now I’m rebuilding: weaving my own rug for under my feet, and strengthening my foundations. It’s an empowering process!

I’m sharing this not because I need to take time out to process my grief, but because I have taken time out to process my grief. However old you are when your mother dies it has a profound effect, and so it should: they’re the one person who carries us for 9 months while we develop from seed to baby human; the one person who physically releases us into our earthly life; the only person who can feed us uniquely personalised milk from their breast.

So, can you understand why I’m being drawn to the supporting, low voice in every tune I listen to? It’s because right now that’s the support I need: this rich foundation giving me an extra cushion alongside my own strengthening safety net. And that’s okay.

If any of what I’ve written resonates with you then do get in touch, I’d be honoured to support you in your journey. I’m ideally placed to do so because I’ve recently had this experience, not in spite of it! And, if you’d like to hear a Georgian choir singing then follow this link.